Do you enjoy making love? and Does your husband know?
The time that has passed between the last entry and now has been extensive. Due to the baby growing in my womb, my schedule has been dictated by many extraneous factors. Now perhaps we can get back to our conversation.
These two questions "Do you enjoy sex? and Does your husband know?" are very sensitive. Though past topics have been prying and hard - these two seem to reach into our hearts and force us to do something that we loath - self evaluation. Oh! How the world would have us to only look around and evaluate others, failing to ever take a moment and pause to see ourselves in that dreadful mirror of reality. Particularly when it comes to the bedroom. We find ourselves looking at this place, the bedroom, as a place of frustration and obligation rather than a place of refuge and delight.
We will handle these two questions, just as that - Two questions. First we will discuss question "Do you enjoy love making?"
I can feel the cringing happening across cyberspace as you read the words. Most women feel that if their answer is not a resounding "yes" that they are a bad wife. Let me put your mind at ease in this and say - you are not alone. Most women find it difficult to find freedom in love making. This does not mean you are a bad wife, it does not mean that you are doing something wrong, or are in sin. It does not mean, as some may assume, that God is punishing you for some past experience or decision. If you are indeed a follower of Christ, I am fully convinced that God wants you to enjoy and delight in love making with your partner - and not only does He want that for you, but will enable you to do so. It may simply take time. But as we learn together, perhaps this conversation will be use as a tool to open up the pleasures of sex to you in your marriage bed.
Keeping in mind that love making is not only vaginal intercourse. It ranges from conversation (verbal and nonverbal) to cuddling to intimate touch. Each couple will experience pleasure in different ways and to different extents - but they are ALL able to enjoy love making at some very satisfying level. Particular individuals love the "Leading." The "Leading" is all the love making that leads to more intimate touch and eventually vaginal intercourse. Granted - your husband is probably most vocal about his enjoyment of the latter, but you would be surprised at how he can also grow to cherish and love the Leading. Others get most aroused and excited by the "Caress." The Caress is the more intimate touch that is not yet sex. It is the building and awakening of sensation and awareness. I would say that the Leading could contain touch as well as conversation, but does not include touch of the most erogenous zones, while Caress does include those, particularly using your hands and mouth. Lastly, the final phase of love making could be called "Satisfaction." Because more often than not, if you walk away from your husband before this phase he will not experience the completion of his longing, and in many cases neither will you.
I write these phases to help give you a vocabulary when talking to your husband. Because, though you may dread it - we are approaching the next question "Does your husband know?"
You must answer this with honesty. First, what is your answer to "Do you enjoy love making?" Whether it be "no," "sometimes," or "yes" - you must tell him. Do NOT ASSUME that he can "pick up" on it - or that he should simply realize it. These are unfair expectations for you to have. It is wrong of you to think he can have knowledge of something that has not been clearly stated to him.
Next week, we will talk about how to have and initiate this conversation, so that it will be received and not seen as an attack. Spend time this week thinking on the phases of lovemaking:
- Leading
- Caress
- Satisfaction
Pay attention as you play this week, and take note of what means the most to you in intimacy. This information will improve, not only your enjoyment in sex - but also enable you with a tool for communicating with your husband regarding how he satisfies you and what other things you might enjoy.
Talk to me.
