Corner of the Roof

It is better to live on a corner of a roof than to share a home with a quarreling woman.

This quote almost sounds like something out a stand-up comedy act or some romantic comedy on TLC. It's not though. It is a verse from Proverbs, 25:24. I often get a laugh from it, but then gloss on to the next verse, but as I have been reading through Proverbs, I have noticed that this verse (and variations of it) are mentioned several times. Not just this once.

As I read this I can not help but wonder how many of our husbands, though not in actuality, but in their minds and emotions totally checkout when they come home and retreat to the corner of the roof so that they don't have to tolerate our quarreling and contention? You feel like he is never listening when you are talking - perhaps it is simply because he can not hear you from the roof. Your nagging and quarreling has made him chose this retreat, because he would rather live alone on a roof than together with you in your house.

Another of my favorites is Proverbs 9:13 - A foolish woman is loud, she has no sense at all.

Dang. And what is Proverbs called? The book of wisdom? Talk about a blow.

I have to say these two verses in particular have called me to reflect on my personal attitude and actions. Am I that lady in the room that simply does not know when to close her mouth? Even when I am home with my husband, is he thinking "Danielle, that's enough already. Just let it go." Certainly I do not what to be that way. I do not want to be foolish in my words, nonsensical.

Let us reflect on these things.

1. When you see your husband distancing himself, as yourself:
- What have I said to make him welcome in our home?
- What have I said that could be seen as quarreling or nagging?
- Have I communicated that I love him?
- Have I communicated that I need him? That I am glad he chooses to come home?

2. When I speak, is it profitable?
- Do I talk simply to make conversation, or is their value to my words?
- Do I speak of things that good, holy, just, pure and lovely?
- Do I make it my intention to talk about the good things first?
- Why do I think that I HAVE to mention every negative observation I make?
- Why can't I "let go" of somethings instead of have a conversation at length about them?
- Do I pray about my conversation?


These TOTALLY hit home for me. I know my home would be a lot less like a roof, if I could just make some small accommodations to love in word and in deed.

Dinner Company

I have been trying to form a new habit of reading a chapter of the Bible out loud to Jameson and myself every morning. I thought an easy place to start would be in Proverbs. Seeing as there are 31 Chapters and all, I would make it my goal for the month.

A few days ago, as we read Proverbs 15 - I was taken back as I read some wisdom for being good dinner company. Verse 17 reads in the ESV "Better is a dinner of herbs where love is than a fattened ox and hatred with it."


Granted, I think the application is pretty simple. People would rather eat with someone who loves them and offers a meager meal, than with their enemy over a banqueting table.

I could not help but think of how this applies to my marriage on so many levels.

1. If I am going to spend an hour fixing dinner, then grow short and smart with lance in conversation and company because of the time gone - he would rather have me in a good mood and eat a sandwich.

If you are going to be a pain to spend time around if you don't just take a break and chill out - chances are, your husband would rather you have a little down time and be good company when he gets home. Some work-arounds I have recently incorporated into our schedule - (1) make dinner during Jameson's morning or afternoon nap that way it is ready to put in the over or microwave when lance comes home from work, but i'm not killing myself for the minutes leading to him walking through the door. (2) Casseroles! Making more than one and freezing one for later. (3) Recipes that grow. Using ingredients for the week that work for multiple meals. Example: One night we have Artichoke, Spinach, and Chicken Casserole - Later that week use the left over casserole as a spread on pitas, to make Pita Pizza (Casserole spread, topped with some cheese, and sliced tomatoes) a few minutes in the oven! Dinner with nearly no work for that second meal.

But also the proverb gives me a great look into our love making. Let's take the proverb and tweak it, and see if it lines up with any truths in our lives.

"Better is a dinner of herbs where love is than a fattened ox and hatred with it."

"Better is a affectionate touch and kiss with love, than to have sex with hate in your heart."

I know there are women out there who are going to bed before their husbands so they don't have to deal with sex. There are also those who stay up way later than their husbands so that he will already be asleep when they get in bed, and they are relieved of the responsibility later saying "Well, you are always asleep when I get in bed." But all to often another sad situation exists, where you are getting into bed and having sex, but all the while thinking "Just get this over with already." Friends, let me be clear - your husband is not an idiot. When you would rather be sleeping or watching television, he knows.

I want to challenge you this week, to ask which dinner partner you are. Take the initiative to be full of love and gentleness - maybe it begins only with a meager meal of a gentle touch or kiss or on the cheek. But mean it. Whatever you can do genuinely and with full affection - offer than to him today. Certainly, more often than not, your husband would rather have a meager meal of your love, than a feast full of disdain.

Let us pray, that soon = in all our hearts we will find both love and feast.