Oh, dear ones! We have finally settled (sort of) in our new home in GA. It feels good. I had no idea the impact that moving would have on us, particularly now that we have a child.
Seeing as this is our 4th permanent move (6th move) in 3 years - you would think that we would get the hang of it, right? That's what I thought, but alas - a child does throw a big kink in the normal moving schedule. Where I was once able to quickly unpack everything and layout entire rooms in just days, now it is divided by naps and feedings. Naps during which you can not hammer or drill. Feedings during which, well, you can't do anything except feed. Even large portions of awake time demand your attention as J is more mobile and needing some higher level supervision.
But, dare I say it - Jameson was not the biggest hindrance to mine and Lance's relationship in these past few months. The house was. I found that as the house was in shambles I did not feel romantic. Furthermore, often, love making would never even cross my mind. Even the simple things of making love - speaking kindly, helping with chores, packing a lunch, having clean clothes to wear - were lost in the transition from one home to the other.
It brought something to my attention. At least for me, the condition of my home or "to do list" significantly impacts my time spent with Lance. When I feel productive and balanced in our home, I am more likely to be kind to him and respond to (or even offer) advances for intimacy. Yet, when the hamper is full of dirty clothes, when diapers need to be washed, when dinner is far from ready - I become short and tired, and distracted. And soon, the man I vowed to love and cherish, becomes the man who is just around while I take care of other things.
How sad! I would challenge you to evaluate how you run your home and see what things you might could change in order to bring some balance and alleviate some tension. Get your husband involved - what man doesn't want to create time for love making? They are few and far between. And who knows if your husband has not been "in the mood" then perhaps as you begin to order your home - he will find a renewed sense of order for himself as well.
Oh, the things an ordered home can lead to!
Seeing as this is our 4th permanent move (6th move) in 3 years - you would think that we would get the hang of it, right? That's what I thought, but alas - a child does throw a big kink in the normal moving schedule. Where I was once able to quickly unpack everything and layout entire rooms in just days, now it is divided by naps and feedings. Naps during which you can not hammer or drill. Feedings during which, well, you can't do anything except feed. Even large portions of awake time demand your attention as J is more mobile and needing some higher level supervision.
But, dare I say it - Jameson was not the biggest hindrance to mine and Lance's relationship in these past few months. The house was. I found that as the house was in shambles I did not feel romantic. Furthermore, often, love making would never even cross my mind. Even the simple things of making love - speaking kindly, helping with chores, packing a lunch, having clean clothes to wear - were lost in the transition from one home to the other.
It brought something to my attention. At least for me, the condition of my home or "to do list" significantly impacts my time spent with Lance. When I feel productive and balanced in our home, I am more likely to be kind to him and respond to (or even offer) advances for intimacy. Yet, when the hamper is full of dirty clothes, when diapers need to be washed, when dinner is far from ready - I become short and tired, and distracted. And soon, the man I vowed to love and cherish, becomes the man who is just around while I take care of other things.
How sad! I would challenge you to evaluate how you run your home and see what things you might could change in order to bring some balance and alleviate some tension. Get your husband involved - what man doesn't want to create time for love making? They are few and far between. And who knows if your husband has not been "in the mood" then perhaps as you begin to order your home - he will find a renewed sense of order for himself as well.
Oh, the things an ordered home can lead to!
3 comments:
ohh, good revelation.
I have realized that one of the most important ways I can love Matt is by creating a peaceful, loving, safe environment for him to come home to. Peaceful by the way it feels (in terms of clutter, mess, etc), loving in how I receive him after he works all day (do I show attention to him and his needs, or do I only bombard him with mine?) and safe in how I chose to respond to his expressions of his hopes, expectations, desires, etc.
I liked this post. :)
I like this post! I think all married women can identify. I can and I don't even have children. Thanks Danielle for making me feel normal. I miss you so much!
It so true and you said it so well. Thank you for the reminder to be diligent so as much as it depends on me, my domain stays subdued.
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