Before we got married, I made it my personal goal to initiate love making once a week. I do not mean suggesting some sort of hang-out time or date night - I mean, I make the first move to get us to the bed room and I take the first steps toward being naked. Ha! Glad we are all friends here. What I mean to communicate is this - Your husband will notice when you are overtly initiating. He may not notice if you "drop clues." Do not leave him guess work. Let there be no question in his mind that you want to make love to him - immediately.
I do not feel like there are any Biblical initiatives which set the guidelines regarding the frequency or necessity of my goal setting - but certainly I will communicate that is it not wrong to do so.
Do not misunderstand. If you half heartedly show interest in initiating, then your husbands integrity and pride will be hurt. You DO NOT want to communicate that you are initiating out of responsibility or guilt. Though you may be thinking "he will just be glad we are having sex," you are sorely wrong. The quality and intent of love making is important to your husband just as it is to you - he just manifests his desires in different ways.
One particular benefit of this principle is that I find I must keep my heart right with the Lord in order to meet these goals. Certainly when I am tired or had a busy week my inclination is not offer my body to Lance, but I think of his love for me and position as the Church - I am filled with longing for him. At times this comes with moments of reflection, yet at other times - after extend meditation and study.
How beautiful the connection between my Spiritual and Physical? When do you find that you do not long for intimacy with God? Tired and busy. It seems in spiritual lovelessness, the very things that will heal our hearts are the same which we despise to do. We know we should sing to God - yet we do not long to. We know that it would refresh us to seek Godly counsel - yet we do not receive it. We know that we should spend time in prayer - yet desire is gone. --- It is NO DIFFERENT in the lovelessness of the marriage bed. The very things which we find we do not long for are the same which will restore our passion.
Passion is found in the doing - not in the waiting or longing.
There is no heat from a fire which we have not started, and similarly we can not expect desire to grow from a marriage bed which we do not kindle intentionally.
The enemy is seeking to destroy our homes, and in this initiating process - in making advances towards our lovers, we place defense which are filled with the very power of God.
Delight in this battle, for certainly is it a battle we were intended to delight in.
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